My obsession over Pinterest has resulted in me reading way too many quotes, recipes and baby wearing articles, but this evening one grabbed my attention:
“Your kids don’t want a perfect mom; they just want a happy one.”
Mmm… so we all want our kids to have the absolute best. I thought that I was just doing that by trying to be the “perfect” mom. And what makes a kid happy? A happy mom. Happy. Happy. Happy. And that is a fairly simple thing. But by trying to be the perfect mom, I have been messing this up.
I want to change that, not only for me but for all moms.
I think that the start to happiness is to accept you will never be perfect. (Ok, you can get a 100% for a test… but we not talking about that). But this is real life- there is no handbook. No teacher to answer your questions. As moms we don’t have a handbook to tell us that we are doing is right or wrong. (e.g don’t bath in Himalayan salt every night because you will end up with insanely dry skin!) We turn to the internet when in doubt. And even then there is no agreement on the advice you should follow. Take breastfeeding for example- some people will tell you it is the be all and end all and what a miserable person you are for “failing” to breastfeed until toddlerhood. And others will at least congratulate you if you made the effort.
So since we don’t have a blue print to follow- we end up comparing ourselves to other moms. The “super moms” we see at school. And sorry to put it so bluntly, that is just stupid of us. Because by doing that you are allowing yourself to feel “inadequate” for not being “as good”.
A wise lady said “The very fact that you are worried about being a good mom means that you already are one.” And that is the truth. If you were a bad mom you would not have worried about being good or if what you are doing is right… And as a good mom we worry about if we are doing the right thing. We doubt ourselves, but it also forces us to re-evalute and do better.
Before I became a mother, I had an idea of what mom I would be. I thought I would be so patient. I would one day be a stay at home mom. I would maybe homeschool my child. I would cook super nutritious meals every day. I would breastfeed Z until she decides to stop. My kids will NEVER eat sweets (hehe- I know now!)I would bake cookies and play in the sandpit. I assumed that I will never loose my temper and that I would loose the baby weight in three months max.
NEWSFLASH! I am nothing like that. It took my 5 years to loose the baby weight, I have zero patience when I have a deadline at work and I still have my temper. I cook every second night. I hardly bake because I really don’t like baking. So reality hit me hard. Not living up to my own little fantasy ideas made me feel like a failure.
I am not failing, I am learning. And learning can be hard sometimes.
It was only after I let go of that fantasy that I am able to really enjoy how things are now. I will always be super busy. I really LOVE my job. I will never be able to be a stay at home. I will never homeschool my kids. I will never be able to cook every night. I will always be a little crazy when it comes to cleaning the house. I will always obsess about parabens in lotion and soaps. (more on that later!)
So here is my little piece of advice. Let go of that fantasy woman you created. Because when you do, you will be genuinely happier. And you will be able to see just how amazing and awesome you really are!
No one should ever stand in the way of your happiness. And YOU should not be the person standing in your own way.
I gave up on the perfect H finally this weekend. And it feels GOOOOOOOOD!
I think it is more important for our children to remember us as happy, than as perfect.
So cheers to us being happy moms!