To my last born…

This morning n read such a beautiful piece on a mother and her last born.

So here is my attempt:

Dear Zoe,

You are my last born. This does not make you less important, but it still puts you last. I have loved Khloe way before I have even known that I wanted and needed you. But when I saw you- I knew that you made my life complete. I am a different person this time around. I am much more calm and relaxed. This does not mean that I don’t worry about you or your wellbeing- it is just that I have learned the hard way that stressing about how much water/ milk or tea you drink is not healthy for me or for you. With Khloe I focussed on every move she made. How many wet nappies she had a day and how many times she ate or drank. I photographed every smile, every move and I even made her my desktop background.

But with the two of here it is different. Now two people wants my undivided attention. And that is hard. And sometimes I think you feel left out if Khloe and I sit and laugh about something we spotted during the day. I am sorry that I don’t watch your every move.

This does not mean that I love you any less. The feelings I feel with you is so much more complex than the first time around with Khloe. Each time you reach a milestone I know it is the last time that I will experience that. The last time my baby smiled for the first time, waved good bye, crawled or walked.

I am so happy to experience life with you and to listen to your singing every day.

I was so excited the first time around with Khloe, but now I want to slow it down. I will carry you in you favorite woven a bit longer, keep your tiny hand in mine for as long as I can. That is why I always call you close and have you sit on my lap in the afternoon. It makes me so happy.

But at the same time it makes me sad-

You were not my first born. That is true. But you are my last child I will ever have. The last little baby to sing twinkle twinkle to and the last little monkey to wake me up at night for a cuddle or for tea.

And my dear Zoe, this thing being the last born, is a super special thing 🙂

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