RANT ALERT: What not to say to a c-section mom…

In my opinion delivering by C-section is just about as miserable as it gets. It sucks. BIG TIME. As if trying to care for newborn while not being able to move without searing pain isn’t bad enough, you have to have your every move analyzed, judged, and criticized by everyone you know (and even some people you don’t). Because you took the easy way out. Or you “did not give birth”. Oh really? Did the stork dropped the child off here?

People think c-sections are for hollywood stars and rich mommies, whereas the majority of woman getting them are 1) being lied to by n OBGYN (oh my favourite- the baby is to big. Yeah right, she came out at 3.3 kg!)  2) There is medical complications e.g placenta previa right through to other birth complications. Sometimes it is the safest and healthiest way for a baby to be born. Simple as that.

The idea that woman who get c-sections (read- sliced open) are to posh to push is infuriating. Anyone who had one can tell you that the recovery period is painful and that it is definitely not “cheating”

And if someone in your life is having a C-section, here is what you most definitely should NOT say to them:

1. “Oh, wow, you’re so lucky. I was in labor for 14 hours.” Ok, sounds like no fun. Recovery took my 8 weeks. First week was hell. Thank you.

2. “I thought I was going to need one for my breech baby, but then I (lay down on the floor for three hours with my legs up on an ironing board/got accupuncture/crawled on my hands and knees for the entire weekend/did somersaults underwater/burned Chinese herbs near my toes).” I did all of these, and Khloe was still breech. Thank you very much, insane pseudo-scientist moms.

3. “I would never have a C-section. I believe too strongly in natural birth.” So when two separate doctors told me that a natural birth would result in Zoe dying, you would have given them the finger?

4.  “I  heard the Caesarian rate is so much lower in other countries than in South Africa” Um, ok? I also heard the newborn survival rate in other countries is much lower. What’s your point?

5. “Can I see your scar?” Can I get a closer look at that weird mole above your lip? Fuck off!

6. “I heard that (eating spicy food/not exercising enough/eating too much/not eating enough/stress) causes an increased risk of C-sections.” Well, well well. No. So shut up!

7.  “Do you feel like you missed out on childbirth?” Well, I still birthed a child, so, no, not really.

8. “I’m really sorry. I know how much you wanted to have a natural birth.” I’m really sorry about that time when you married the guy you said you were just dating until something better come along. Oh, wait, I’m sorry, did I upset you? I thought we were just having a friendly chat about times when we decided to do things we hadn’t originally planned on doing.

9. “Have you had a bowel movement yet?” Seriously, I couldn’t understand why everyone kept on asking me this. And then I had a bowel movement. And then I understood why. OMG it hurts. It HURTS. Literally. Apparently when they move around and sometimes even take out and reinsert your intestines, there are consequences. Hello Movicol and all kinds of other crap you can find!

10. “When can you come visit so I can see the baby?” Not now or in the first 6 weeks. Because I don’t feel like cleaning up after you left.

Ok, I feel better now. Rant over!

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