Being lonely as a mom
April 6, 2017
Today is one of those days. I am supposed to be working on a campaign schedule but my mind is full of words. I also feel lonely. Why? I work from home most of the times and I go and meet up with clients during the mornings 3 times a week. And today I am stuck as I am waiting for a clients delivery. No place to go.
I sometimes feel like the isolated mom. I am blessed with two of the most amazing mom friends (Donnilee and Imke!) Last year in December I started this mission of bringing like- minded moms together. I created a Facebook group where we can ask questions and chat about life in general. But I think my mission actually started way before that to be honest. Four years ago when I became a mom for the first time. The first to become a mom out of all of my friends. Suddenly life became more complicated in the sense that it is not so easy to just pop out for wine at night when you have a nursing infant. Everywhere I go I have to chat around a large nappy bag with sets of spare clothes, nappies etc for the “just incases” that might hit me when I am out.
And today I think if it wasn’t for the Hippie Parents community I created that I would be a lot lonelier right now. No other person to ask about mom things.
So this post is about why are we lonely. It is NOT me. And it is NOT you.
Here it goes:
1.Being a single parent.
In this case it is single divorced parents and also “single parents” in the sense of your other half does not want to participate in activities involving socialisation with other parents. In my case that is true. My husband has only once attended a children’s party with me and swore he can’t do that. I am always the “single” parent at these type of events. Other moms side eye you and I even once got asked if I am married. Not fun. hence now I avoid it adding to my isolation.
2. Money and time.
In my case it is the time. I work full time. And if I had a crap load of money I could employ another person to write my articles for me. And also with my crap load of money I could do silly activities at a mom and kids group like make your own Macaroni necklace, which brings me to my next point…
3. You don’t think like most moms…
You don’t diet or don’t go to gym. You might live in Levi’s and All Stars and funky T-shirts. You don’t dress like a “mom”. You don’t read celebrity news. You may not even really go to church that often. But you believe in magic , big ideas, stars and blissful moments and you want to talk. I mean like really talk. But all that the moms at school wants to chat about is the last place they visited with their kids or what to dress the kids in for the weather. Not my cup of tea. I am weird and need weird hippie friends.
4. Your rigid routines are keeping you down
I am a huge fan of structure and routine. My kids are too. They want to know when things will be happening and how it is happening. We have a solid routine in this house. It make things run smoothly and my kids are happier and because of that our family is happier. But my “bath time by 5pm, supper by 6pm and bed time by 7:30pm” is keeping me from connecting with friends. But it keeps my sanity!
5. Your kids ages and your life stage
My kids are still fairly small and and some of my other friends don’t have kids. It is difficult to stay connected. It is difficult to just leave the house sometimes and they tend to go on like maniacs when I do… I am also at a stage in my life where I am really discovering who I am and what I want to be. And that is hard to explain. I don’t want to go out and party until 2am. I want to sit on a porch and have endless conversations.
6. Your are an introvert.
That is the hardest one of them all and not something you as a person can change. But joining an online community can be a great tool in finding and establishing relationships.
Last but not least:
7. You are weird.
Join the club. That is me in a nutshell. I believe in alternative parenting. I don’t follow a parenting style. I support home births and advocate for natural birth even though I had 2 c-sections. I look for magic every day. I burn insence, bath in Himalyan salt rocks and drink liters of green tea and water each day. I keep chickens in my back yard and live as organically as possible. I don’t eat anything GMO. I don’t use any chemicals or petrochemicals on myself, my kids or my dogs. I am weird.
And if you as weird as what I am- lets be friends!