…and the cat in the box
A scientist, Shrodringer, once placed a cat in a box. His reasoning was that the cat could be dead or alive at the same time. There is no way of knowing. You can only open the box and look inside. This principle takes on various shapes in our lives daily.
Like the text message you receive. Is it him replying or is it a colleague asking to have some of your milk? That instant rush of blood through your head, palms moisten and you can feel your heart speeding up. Trying to avoid looking at your iPhone or watch, minutes goes by of terror. What are you going to do if it is him?
Standing in the hallway outside the executive boardroom. Im here to present on my latest project. I need them to invest and to allocate money. The problem is that the chief of pulmonology hates me. Like really fucking hates me. Again the same thing. Standing outside and hearing the announcement that I am up next. I can feel my heart beat. I can hear the blood rushing through my head. I can feel my chest tightens. Then the door open and its all over.
Standing on a ledge taking a jump. Ok bungie jump. But the wait while other people in the que jump before you. Screaming on their way down. The uncertainty of the safety of the rope. The moment when they count down 3,2,1. I can hear my heart. I can feel how I hyperventilate and become acidotic. I can feel how my brain screams for air. Then the word bungie and its all over.
For some reason I am addicted to these moments. Like there is nothing worse than not knowing but still find myself in these situations often. It is almost like I do this uncontiously, like I have no control over it. But I get off on taking control and defusing the moment.
There is a lot to say about limbo. The grey in between. The pieces of history that we cant place, the mosaic of memories that predict our behavior. Its so undefined and uncontrolled. It gives you the opportunity to take last minute decisions. Thinking on your feet. Getting to grips and back in control. Whether its on the black or the white side.