Dear M, 

Yesterday I had to ask for a volunteer to work with me in second stage labour and you said yes. I got to the MOU scared. And as a doula, I know scared is not a good thing. It will be transferred to your mom you are working with. And I needed the help. 

I was working with D. Contractions. PV. The worried look on the midwife’s face. The “H, we need to talk.” When a midwife decides to do that, I get worried. Because it can mean one of three things- transfer, swollen cervix or a dead baby. But you don’t have a choice. They want to talk to you. You go. You listen. 

Today, I was thinking about yesterday. Sorry Meredith for leaving you at one point with just a “I need to go out with a for a while”. You have been such a great doula. To the mom and to me. 

I stood outside and looked at the little Bible verse in my pocket. I prayed. I knew that as her birth support we are more than capable, and the mom will be fine. 

Last week Tuesday a baby passed away. I got scared that day. I paced around delivery like an animal in a cage. One of the best midwives in the country came in. She did her absolute best. It still happened. I still have questions. I still don’t know why.

But today I had a hero soon to be doula step in. 

And that is why we as doulas change the world. 

Thank you, Meredith, for being there. For saying “DON’T PUSH” when I was chocking up. For staying so calm during that delivery. It was amazing to see. 

And to all the wonderful doulas that spend their time volunteering at Hillbrow. I know it feels like it is too much sometimes. But you make a difference. You are doing such a wonderful job, and by choosing this career path you will change the world. One birth at a time. 

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