Life is so much different…

Life is so much different than I expected it to be. This morning I saw this meme I saved on my phone that explains “returning to your true self”.  But I wonder how many of us knows who is the “true self” 

For me true self changes as we grow older. I must be honest, I am very defensive when people start with “but you are only 33” or the “you are so young, wait until you get older”. My true self at 33 is what I want it to be for the rest of my life.

My true self believes that there is good in everyone, that the world is still a magic place, that you can find happiness in the simplest things, that sometimes a cup of tea and a good cry is all that you need. That life can be genuinely good. 

My true self at 18 thought I will be able to change the world by studying law. Until I realized the hard way at the age of 22 it is not a court of justice, it is a court of law. I am thankful that it happened as it gave me the opportunity to pursue one of my other passions: writing and media. It was a struggle to get myself qualified as I then realized just how hard it is to study, have a full-time job and now you are starting at the bottom at a media house as you are not really qualified to do anything else. But it can be done. I am proof of that. 

Fast forward 10 years. I am still in media. It is like a marriage, with all the emotions and all the ups and downs. I am addicted to the rush and the deadlines, the chasing of numbers and the creation of strategies. The energy and the behind the scenes crisis PR work. The waking up at 3am because you just had an amazing idea for a client’s marketing strategy. The way you can steer a company in a completely new direction and the way you can change the public perception. 

But then there is my soul work. The work that I find impossible to explain. The work that will never leave me tired. Birth work. Working with women. Seeing a mother being born with her child. The oxytocin and the sheer happiness. Working in Hillbrow with mothers that would never be able to have a doula. To give back. It leaves me with a sense of belonging and purpose. I can say that I am at my happiest when I am there. Even if it is to change linen savers or helping a mom latching a baby. It feeds my soul. 

It is never to late to change direction. You can always go back and look for the little pieces of you that have lost. To go back to the “real you.”. We all take detours some time in our lives. Mine was last year, where I found myself utterly confused and lost. Without direction and not knowing what to believe anymore. Wounded as I were, I decided to look for me again> And I am glad I did. I came back stronger, more resilient and wiser. 

Go look for yourself. Go find the you that you once were. The you that still believe in the good of people, and in the magic of the universe. 

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